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Postby WiseWoman » Mon Aug 25, 2014 11:56 am

what do you do when a spouse no longer feels like prepping?
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Re: Spouse says food prep is necessary not anything else

Postby JayJay » Mon Aug 25, 2014 12:30 pm

I Timothy 5:8....Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

That also applies for a SHTF situation.
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Re: Spouse says food prep is necessary not anything else

Postby ajax727 » Mon Aug 25, 2014 12:51 pm

There is no easy answer hobbies are great but when they come between things that are needed or cause a problem at that time he needs to sit down and think about the things that are important . Wants are second needs are first .......
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Re: Spouse says food prep is necessary not anything else

Postby mombear » Mon Aug 25, 2014 1:18 pm

some things that are prepping but also very fiscal sound. Take canning for example while the up front costs can get high, the long term benefits are staggering. If you was able to purchase in bulk at the farmers market or even from your own garden and can it up you have done two things prepping and saved money, and heck who doesn't like to save money.

On the water front, change how you purchase pop and drinks, get the 2 liter bottles and when the original item is consumed, rinse it out good with some bleach water and refill it with your tap water. After a while you will have your water stored up. When the hubby asks why you bought it in big bottles just tell him they were on sale and you had a coupon.

What I did before my DH was aware of it was I clipped coupons and the savings went to prepping, it adds up over time. your not shorting your family and yet you still have savings to work with. A win-win. Keep prepping slow and steady will always win.
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Re: Spouse says food prep is necessary not anything else

Postby ARDon » Mon Aug 25, 2014 1:31 pm

IMO, prepping is self reliance, what happens if your food storage runs out? Its all about having alternative recourse's & adapting to survive.
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Re: Spouse says food prep is necessary not anything else

Postby ohiofarmer » Mon Aug 25, 2014 1:36 pm

It's odd - I here it all the time guys going golfing, soft ball, and bar time with the guys. My wife put the end to the hobbies when I was 25. Now at 47 I only do things that make money as a hobby. Raising beef &sheep , making maple syrup, and playing with guns. Haven't figured out why people cant grow up. Farmer
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Re: Spouse says food prep is necessary not anything else

Postby broden » Mon Aug 25, 2014 1:49 pm

perhaps show the connection between something as a start and work from there

food stores are great .. but with out water and a way to cook them they are somewhat less great

at the very least however to my way of thinking anyway .. you should both get an even share of the money for your "hobbies"
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Re: Spouse says food prep is necessary not anything else

Postby Bubba J » Mon Aug 25, 2014 1:53 pm

I've never understood the whole "here's your money & not a penny more" mentality. Allowances are fine for kids; not spouses.

Anyway, onto the OP's subject. You're spouse simply has his own version of a shtf senario. That's all, nothing more. Everybody here has their own idea of shtf. Technically, nobody is wrong. For some people, shtf is a layoff. For others, it's mad max or everything in-between. You'll both just have to come to some type of agreement, if possible. Best of luck to you.
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Re: Spouse says food prep is necessary not anything else

Postby ohiofarmer » Mon Aug 25, 2014 2:00 pm

Bubba- I never understood it either. Could you talk to my wife, see if she would up mine to from $50 to $75 a week. Use cost of living or inflation something. Farmer
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Re: Spouse says food prep is necessary not anything else

Postby Lynda » Mon Aug 25, 2014 2:03 pm

I get the impression the OP doesn't work and is allocated monies from her husband's salary. If that's the case maybe a part time job is in order. If the OP does work then her salary is to do with as she wishes provided the household requirements are met first.

I don't work, having retired 5 years ago, and my husband handles the purse strings and gives me a set amount of money for expenditures like groceries for the house, preps and my car and life insurance as well as anything I choose to buy. But, if there's a need for something other than those basics he's pretty amenable. Like that manual well pump that was a recent purchase.

We consider anything prep related to be a necessary expense and not a frivolous one.
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Re: Spouse says food prep is necessary not anything else

Postby Conscious » Mon Aug 25, 2014 2:22 pm

a) i'll try not to judge here, everyone gets to do their own thing.

b) prepping is defintely it's own slice of the budget. I have envelopes for guns, for tools, for meds and for spare food - all at their own $$. Perhaps a re-envisioning of the family budget is in order?

c) I'm curious as to what his hobbies are that they aren't prep related? like OhioFarmer said, I can't imagine hobbies that arn't prep related. my shop is probably the least AND most prep related one. most because I do some pretty cool prepping chores in there there. Least because I also do some not-entirely-prep-related-at-all-chores in there. My garden is a hobby but prep related. reading is a hobby and is prep related.

d) I'm not as prep-focused as some folks, and that's fine. I still slice a good portion of the budget off for date nights and bar nights for the wife and I. I'm willing to accept a good life in the meantime, even if it sacrifices some preps. Who's to say I'm going to live through "the armeggedon" anyhow, right. I'd hate to not see good shows and not have good times just for an extra bag of beans that i might not be able to eat anyhow.

As far as potential solutions go, I think perhaps your best bet is to reconfigure the family budget, or reconfigure how budgeting is done. If you don't do some sort of envelope system, you might want to look into it. it is incredibly flexible and very transparent. I also wonder at the folks who don't have transparent budgets with the money-earners in the house. I think a lot of you might be different, but I think the days of "sole bread-winner" are passed, and I often see/hear other preppers describe their money situations as still in those days - i.e. Husband earns the money and doles out the allotments to his wife. If OP is in this situation, then I think her argument becomes the need for transparency and equivalency. I think it shorts the value of the relationship for the money earner to not be 100% committed to the family budget - and I dont' mean at all simply supplying it. The wife gets a say in how things get doled out, or she's not a partner, she's just a minion. The kids don't get a say, and they are minions. But they have to be accounted for.

There is so much more to adequately providing for the family than simply a grocery budget. Either he wants to prep reasonably, or he's lets prepping run his imagination and not his actions.

Sorry, I think that might be a bit judgmental there at the end. I hope your talks go well.
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Re: Spouse says food prep is necessary not anything else

Postby independentlurker » Mon Aug 25, 2014 3:31 pm

WOW, 8, Sounds like you have 6 kids and are stay at home or you are taking care of parents. I was one of eleven kids. I was #3 ,oldest girl. My father was an alcoholic and quite mean. When I got
old enough I would have arguments with my Mom to get on the pill, to leave him, to do something. She said she was trapped. She had so many kids and no job. We never had enough to eat even though we had a huge garden and worked and canned. We were never on welfare either. Many times we had pancakes with sugar on them or canned green beans for dinner. Yuck. I hate pancakes and canned vegetables to this day. Anyway my point is, when I grew up I HAD to be self sufficient.I had to work so that I could be independent. I don't know how young your children are but I think it's time to maybe find work outside of the home. Or maybe take in children to watch. Even a few hours a week can mean money for preps. I don't pretend to know your situation but if he can have hobbies that have nothing to show for his time and money, then you could maybe argue that. The fact that you need a hobby and the fact that you feel you as a family are not prepping enough and you have holes in your preps. This is really rich, me trying to help you win over your husband to prepping, My husband is not at all interested . It doesn't matter so much with me though because I earn money as well. The problem with me though is there are many things I cannot do by myself. I need his cooperation. An alternate heat source for one. We currently have electricity for heat, in the northeast, and no alternative.

Good luck trying to figure it out, but as previous posters have said, you must be an equal partner. You must have an equal say in how discretionary money is spent.

Maybe none of this applies to you, but it sure sounds as if you don't have equal say.
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Re: Spouse says food prep is necessary not anything else

Postby Hillbillyman » Mon Aug 25, 2014 4:07 pm

I wouldn't worry about it, after all, you have gotten this far without it.
Water - can be had most anywhere, that is the reason why it is so cheap.
Invest your money into some type of carbon water filter.
I have seen groups that decided to just prep the basic's.
They bought mountains of oodles of noodles, there was an article in the paper the other day about the Orientals devouring this stuff to the point of where it is killing them.
You have to laugh because this stuff is the cheapest stuff that you can buy, and like your husband, they are probably looking to maximize their profit, and buying expensive food does not fit into their budget either.

It sounds more like your husband has given up on prepping, and this was probably why the move back to town was so sudden. He can buy you off with promises that tomorrow will never come and that you don't have to worry - someone will take care of us. At the same time, I doubt if you will ever live in the country again, at least not so long as you have 8 mouths to feed.

I think that should have been one of the issues you should have addressed before you had a large family. I came from the same situation and in the end, no one wins!
Sometimes a idiot will ask a question that the wisest man cannot answer.
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Re: Spouse says food prep is necessary not anything else

Postby broden » Mon Aug 25, 2014 4:12 pm

my wife and i don't have my money her money we only have our money and we work out a budget together
sometimes we get what we want sometimes we do with out


granted i have known couples that have had one partner who was bad with money totally driving the couple in to debt (of course some times couples have two such people) but if one is that way then the other really must take control of the funds but once bills are paid necessities are purchased(groceries) something is put away for a rainy day... anything after that, that some would call extra money should be spent equally of course sometimes that equality might not always be immediate as one member then the other might want/need to buy a more expensive item.. but if that's the case then the next few months the less than equal split for example goes the other way


my wife and i don't do that either though we don't give ourselves an allowance .... but not everyone can be that way.. everyone's different

but yes of course it helps greatly when a couple is more of one mind on more things ... but if they're not well couples talk and work things out it's all in the job description
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Re: Spouse says food prep is necessary not anything else

Postby Bubba J » Mon Aug 25, 2014 4:26 pm

To those of you saying that hobbies should be related to prepping or that a non-prepper should "grow up", I have to disagree. A prepper shouldn't have to live like a hermit in a cave on a deserted island. A prepper should be allowed to enjoy the good things in life whether it's a nice car, big tv, or a cruise around the world.

It all comes down to a person's or family's pay and their priorities. Said priorities don't always have to be about preps.

The main problem I have is those who make a lot of money and have expensive stuff, yet always complain about being broke and not having enough to eat. If you make a good salary and prep and have nice things, then more power to you.
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